Every few months I have the epiphany that I’m going to give up. Dating that is. After a string of meaningless and unfulfilling relationships marred by distance, timing, or psychosis, I throw my phone in disgust and vow that for the next few months there will be NO dating. No false hopes. No new beginnings that last for 5 minutes until reality sets in. No cat and mouse. Between school and work and the gym and friends and roommates, who’s got time for the bull shit?
In recounting this conversation to one Paul Shirley, I was told to relax. “You’re only 25,” he said, “By the way, have you ever read Tucker Max?”
Tucker Max sounded familiar, but no, I’d never read him. “Check him out,” Paul insisted.
So I did. Just now. I went to his website and found myself inspired.
Here was another asshole who was making money and getting laid just for being a pompous prick.
The intro on Mr. Max’s page reads:
“I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.”
And he’s not the only one. In fact, he comes from a long line of narcissistic, assanine, shallow morons who seem the voice for the males of my generation and those of old. They spew anti-marriage and family sentiment, self centeredness and egotism, laced with malign misogyny. Hurt who you want, as long as you get yours.
Think Tom Lykus.
Howard Stern.
Aaron Karo.
Think men who blither like idiots about alchohol, women, and sports.
Before I sound like a complete hater, let me say that I find the men mentioned above to be hilarious. Tom Lykus burps up the occasional pearl of wisdom, while 5 minutes on Tucker Max’s website had me laughing out loud. But other then soliciting a few laughs, I shutter in fear. These men are shaping young men everywhere, telling them it’s okay to treat women like shit, yell fat jokes from moving vehicles, and drink their brain cells away. For the guy who grew up in a society with very few positive male role models, Tom Lykus reall is “Dad.” Where are the honest, hard working, freedom fighting Mr. Darcy’s. Where are the Gregory Peck’s from To Kill a Mocking Bird? Admittedly, I’m being melodramatic, but you have to admit, Gregory Peck was pretty hot.
My second issue, is this: Where is the voice for the ladies? The counter attack if you will. The woman who exposes her politically incorrect opinions for all to see (sorry, but Paris Hilton does NOT count). The one who reveals what it’s like for US and gets paid big buck for it. The radio show for women gripping about what women care about. The blog about women who beat him at his own game. The blog about what WE put up with. The blog about how to deal with men like those mentioned above. We can’t turn to Cosmo because there we’re encouraged to roll over and play dead. There we’re fed tips on “How to get him and keep him.” Pathetic.
While we’ve got Oprah and Barbara Walters, we don’t really have them because they’re from another time. A time when the “gentleman” still existed.
Who is the voice for us? Tyra Banks perhaps? Or the Girl’s Next Door? Um, no.
Someone’s gotta step up. Exhault the inner Goddess, not afraid to tell the Tom Lykus’s of the world to F-OFF. Teach women how to beat assholes like Tucker Max at his own game.
Who’s with me?
