So that F-it dance I wrote about last week didn’t last long.

My thermometer might have broken, but I have other ways  stashed up my TTC sleeve with which to detect the Big O. With not one, but TWO, hoards of Ovulation Predictor Kits (OPK) hidden in BOTH bathrooms, I started testing shortly after my F-it post. Insert maniacal laugh that devolves into to pathetic sob here.

Enter serious issue #1 

Cycle Day 12 – OPK Negative

Cycle Day 13 – OPK Positive

Cycle Day 14 – OPK Positive

Cycle Day 15 – OPK Positive

Cycle Day 16 – OPK Positive

Cycle Day 17 – OPK Positive

5 days of positives! WHY!?

Until last month, I had NEVER gotten a positive OPK for more than two days. Not in the almost two years that I’ve been testing, at least. But last month I stopped testing after the third positive because conventional wisdom, which I’ve now learned isn’t wisdom at all, says that getting one positive is all you need and that you should ovulate within 36-hours and I should stop being neurotic. Yet how are you to know if you’re struggling to ovulate if you don’t continue to test until you get a negative? The weirdest thing, is that this month when I’ve retested each afternoon I’ve gotten a negative. Has this happened to any of you?

A close friend who’s now pregnant via her second IUI was diagnosed with PCOS and said that she got these types of results regularly. Having had two strange months in a row, I’m beginning to think me and my previously active ovaries might have a problem. Great.

Doesn't this look like a positive?

Doesn’t this look like a positive?

Enter serious issue #2

On Saturday night, hubby and I spent time with a close friend who is still pregnant with a baby that is due the month my miscarried baby would have been due. As a result I feel particularly attached to this unborn child and have been praying for him, particularly because she is 41 and miraculously conceived after two doctors told her they would not even attempt IVF because of Diminished Ovarian Reserve. I was chatting away with her in the kitchen, last I’d heard everything was fine during their first few tests, when she confided in me that this is not the case. Out of respect for them as they’ve told few people, I won’t get into specifics. Let’s just say their baby will most likely have many social, emotional, and intellectual challenges. I learned that in similar cases 90% of mothers terminate. Yet they want this baby so badly, despite his flaws, that they opted out of an amnio (which would confirm the initial diagnosis) because of miscarriage risk. Throughout all this, weepy emotional me had tears streaming down my face. I cannot begin to understand the difficult decisions and obstacles that lay before her and her family. She is brave and strong and resilient. I’m not sure what I would do in a similar situation, but it certainly made me think. It also might have made me break into hives all over my entire body.

As of Saturday night I have been covered in hives on my wrists, entire inner thighs, and knees. I pet a cat at their house and I am severely allergic to them, so at first I thought that was it. But, my acupuncturist also changed my herbal formula last Thursday to one that would help me recover from my lady parts infection (it did) and help my body detox from the few nights of drinking. My mother and husband want to point fingers at the tea of course, but I’m not sure my body would wait to react to it until three days later. Nonetheless, I’ve been tea free from 48-hours.

Whether it was the cat or the tea or the news, I’ve been MISERABLE. At first it didn’t itch, but then for the last two days any time I walk it has felt like ants are literally in my pants. To make matters worse, I’ve avoided antihistamines as they can interfere with ovulation and implantation (clearly I’m the worst F-it dancer in history). Since ovulation seems to be a problem already and the cream my allergy doctor gave me is only half-way cutting it, I’ve (almost) thrown the prospect of getting pregnant out the window this month and am seconds away from sucking on some benadryl like it’s candy. If anything, I’ll be able to work out without dying of itchiness. And that’s something.

Please forgive my NASTY rash pictures, but I’m wondering if any of you have had something like this?

Leg rash

Leg rash

Wrist/arm rash

Wrist/arm rash

Hip rash

Hip rash

At this moment I feel like some anovulatory, skin inflamed freak. It’s lovely. I tried to say F-it, I really did, but people, I want a baby! And confession: I even called my RE about potentially scheduling my first IUI for next month (to add to the fun, I’m still waiting for a return call). If I’m not ovulating on my own, I’m convinced stims can help me do so. I’m typically one that likes to get to the bottom of problems before treating them, but when it comes to mysterious rashes and out of the blue ovulatory dysfunction finding answers may be like herding cats, aka almost impossible. I also feel bad that I’m close to giving up on Chinese Medicine’s miraculous powers, since it did help me get pregnant the last time, but right now I’m panicking. All I want is a life preserver, whether it be through Eastern OR Western medicine, to help me stay afloat in these tumultuous seas of trying to conceive.

Ever feel like  you’re totally out of control and close to drowning? I know I sound like a Class A Drama Queen, but this rash is driving me CRAZY.

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