You know what I hate? I hate it when the recruiting manager of a company tells you ALL about all the awesome things you’ll get IF and only IF you are ACTUALLY hired to work there.

That was the first 15-minutes of my interview, a treatise on all the perks of being an X employee. 26 days paid time off. Healthy food restaurant only for employees. Yoga classes upstairs. Travel via private jet (I’m serious). $1,000 each year to spend on your favorite charity. This reminded me of The Price Is Right where they show you this amazing package for a kitchen remodel that you’ll only get if you happen to make the right bid or whatever. Well I’ve always hated The Price Is Right and now I hate interviews.

This is the thing, I met with three women who make up the Food Regulatory Compliance department. It wasn’t until the end of the interview that I learned that the FIRST woman makes the hiring decision. She was a very hard to read, very experienced attorney who didn’t seem impressed by me. At the end of our time together she made it a point to say, “Well we have other interviews this week.” I took that as code for, “don’t get your hopes up sister.” I have to admit though that she seemed like a very smart person who I’d love to work with. I’m just being negative because it helps me face reality. Career awesomeness aside, I would LOVE to dine at the healthy food restaurant thank you very much and donate a grand to the charity of my choice.

Where I’m strong in FSMA compliance, I’m weak in labeling compliance so unfortunately they will likely choose a candidate that has labeling experience (sorry if this sounds like Swahili to you). This is such a niche field I’d really like to stay in, but jobs like this in the food industry are VERY VERY rare. Here I’d be working in a fancy pants business office versus a manufacturing environment. I may be a tomboy in a lot of ways, but working amongst forklifts with an office in a trailer complete with bullet proof steel on the side of it is not my idea of a dream job.

ANYWAY, so back to the drawing board. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could literally draw my perfect job and it would materialize? You know like the secret or something. Quite honestly, that’s how I felt about this job I just interviewed for. Sigh. Really though, the gut is telling me it ain’t happening.

All the while, I’m supposedly pregnant. Other than extreme hunger that broke my gluten-free discipline and sent me to the nearest Italian restaurant after the interview and waking up at 6 am, I’m symptom free at 4 weeks.  Feels just like my triploidy pregnancy. Are you sick of symptom watch 2013, yet? I certainly am.

Thanks for listening to my boooooo sheeeit, peeps. Seriously, having a place to vent is priceless.

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