*Very negative pregnancy related post warning!*

I have succeeded in convincing myself that something is wrong with this pregnancy. That I have a blighted ovum. Or an ectopic. Or another triploidy fetus. Because just like last time, I am nearly symptom free. I did have some fuzzy brained fatigue that lasted all weekend no matter how much I slept, but today I feel decidedly normal. No bloat. No fuzzy brain. No nothing.

“SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR LACK OF SYMPTOMS ALREADY!” I’m sure you want to say. I’m trying to be positive guys, I really am. I just hoped for some signs this time. I hoped for something to set this pregnancy apart.

Supposedly I am 5 weeks today, but I feel less pregnant now than I did just yesterday. Isn’t life grand!? I’ve been tempted to reschedule my ultrasound from Friday to, say, tomorrow to rule out an ectopic, but then I’d just have to go back Friday anyway to try to spot a heartbeat. It’s probably best just to wait it out until Friday, right? Certainly doesn’t help that these wonderful progesterone inserts could be masking a miscarriage.

As for the job, of course there’s been no word and I don’t expect there to be aside from a nerve grating rejection email. Strangely, this is one area where I’m actually feeling positive. The right thing will come. In the meantime I can keep working from home for my current employer. I can keep slugging away at my book. I can keep dreaming about what my perfect job looks like. I DO have much to be thankful for and I’m sorry if I sound like an ungrateful child.

Now for a question: Any of you reading this who miscarried on progesterone…. did you have a missed miscarriage or did the bleeding start while you were on the drugs? I have been obsessively checking my panty liner like a lunatic.



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