Last night, the only thing I could stomach for dinner was Taco Bell.

A strange subtle version of nausea kicked in for me on Friday. I haven’t thrown up nor have I been tempted to, but the thought of most foods disgusts me.  My paleo-ish ways have been thrown out the window for grilled cheese, mac n cheese, Taco Bell, and chicken soup. I can’t help but wonder if this is psychosomatic. Am I conjuring cravings for root beer and Cheesy Gordita Crunches because I just want to feel pregnant so bad? I wondered if it was the progesterone supplements, but I was supplement free for two whole days  while I waited for them to arrive from my specialty pharmacy. Perhaps the dip in hormones made me ill?

The reality is, however, is that I HAVE been feeling more pregnant than ever. After last time’s completely symptom free short lived pregnancy, this time, at 6 weeks, there’s a marked difference. There’s the mild nausea and aversions and there’s also the engorged boobs and pressure in my uterus and the exhaustion. I slept until 10:30 today and yesterday and the day before. Both days I took two hour naps too (gonna have to fight that urge today because I have work to do). I had a bit more spotting over the weekend, a watery brownish (yuck sorry), but it isn’t worrying me anymore. What can I do about it anyway? Absolutely nothing.

I’d like to take comfort in these symptoms, since they contrast so nicely to my last failed pregnancy, but we all know how that goes. Some miscarry with symptoms anyway.  There’s just no telling until my ultrasound on Friday. Either he’s growing or he’s not. Either there’s a heart beating or there’s not. Don’t I sound calm and zen like? Well I am in this moment for some reason. Maybe I’m on a carb high from the giant bowl of chicken noodle soup I just devoured.

Then there’s the second interview I have tomorrow for a regulatory compliance job for a different company I interviewed with last week. Would I love learning about the supplement industry? Yes. Would I love working in Compton Adjacent, with an hour long commute, making less than I feel I deserve? Not really. Especially with this weird nausea thing kicking in, I’m tempted to cancel this second interview. I’m just not sure that’s the right fit for me. Especially now. Maybe I’m meant to get better at penny pinching, while asking my current employer to give me more work at home projects. Ugh, I don’t know. I hate to pass up a good opportunity because I’m feeling weird right this second and then what if the weirdness and the pregnancy pass and I’m pissed because I didn’t seize the day. Though starting a new job immediately post mc doesn’t sound fun either.

Aren’t you glad you don’t have my over-analytic brain?

Well that’s the latest with me. Counting down the days until Friday and enjoying being pregnant while it lasts (hoping for 9 wonderful months of course). Now pass me a pillow and the macaroni and cheese please…

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