I’m coming off four days with visitors in my home: My brother-in-law, sister-in-law and their 3 1/2 year old child. It was a lovely, but eye opening visit. They helped keep my mind of my yoyo nausea and gave Merp and I reason to get outside and enjoy the Southern California Sunshine. But they also scared the crap out of us.
You see, I have a confession. I really haven’t spent much time around children. None of my brothers have children. None of my close friends do (one does, but I only see her once a month if that). I don’t work in child care, child development, or education, nor have I ever had any inclination to. I don’t dislike children (obviously, or I wouldn’t want one of my own), I just have very little experience with them. With that said, spending four straight days with an intelligent, but strong willed toddler (that’s still what they are at 3 1/2 right?) and the accompanying tantrums, made me realize just how serious this having a child thing is. And this particular child is healthy and smart without any developmental delays. Gulp. If I wasn’t saying my prayers before, I’m saying them now. If this pregnancy works out, please let it result in a mentally and physically healthy baby that grows into a healthy child that grows into a healthy adult. Please.
I know I sound naive, but WOW. Holy bat cave on fire wow. The last four days were INTENSE. Luckily my nephew’s parents are extremely patient and kind, taking a vested interest in their child’s happiness and growth so that Merp and I weren’t put in any awkward your-turn-to-discipline-auntie type situations, but still. Will I be that patient? Will Merp? This is 24/7 care we’re talking about here. Accommodating toddler eating habits, play whims, random freakouts, bath avoidance, bedtime avoidance etc. It’s all so exhausting and drama filled. And don’t even get me started on a screaming infant! But I DO hope it happens. I DO hope we get there. AND WITH THIS BABY. But I’m terrified. To the bone.
Not that there weren’t cute moments. There were. This kid has an amazing vocabulary and imagination. He’s active and cute. He and his parents and their interactions made me realize I’ve got a lot of books to read on child rearing, development, and parenting styles. IF this pregnancy works out of course.
Speaking of which, I caved and got an ultrasound on Wednesday to calm my nerves about the disappearing nausea. Then, baby was measuring 7 weeks 1 day, exactly a week ahead of the previous week, with a heart rate of 144 bpm. My RE was pleased and instructed me to schedule my 10-week scan and blood test with a fetal development center they recommend. Her confidence doesn’t really comfort me and I don’t plan on making the appointment until the last minute because I’m still clearly hovering in “if” land. I’m only around 8-weeks at this point, there’s still so much that can go wrong.
That night I puked for the first time. Ask for nausea and ye shall appear. I was walking the dogs before bedtime and my weird cottage cheese Gatorade snack ended up in the bushes. No more cottage cheese for this girl. I’m still really into Gatorade right now for some reason. “Electrolytes, what plants crave.” Can you guess the movie?
While I haven’t puked since, I’ve wanted to. My nausea is like a roller coaster. Friday, while touring LA’s Natural History Museum, I felt like death. I almost puked into a paper bag on the way home like ten times. Really I think dry heaving is worse than puking. At least with puking you get some relief. Then the next day was a little better and the next day was a little better still and now it’s Monday and I feel great. I did take a nap and would like to take another, but I’ve actually enjoyed food today! Woohoo! Now it only worries me for a second because when I feel sick I feel SO sick that I welcome these moments. If I don’t feel sick again for my entire pregnancy I’ll be thrilled. It’s worse than having the stomach flu. For me at least. Unfortunately if the last week is any indicator, I’ll be sick again by tomorrow. It seems to get bad every three or four days and is the worst at dinnertime.
Oh and P.S. I haven’t done a single barre class, yoga class, or cardio workout in a month. This fitnesswhore has fallen off the fitness wagon big time. Thank God for my dogs because I’d be a bacon and cheese stuffed couch potato by now if it weren’t for their daily 45-minute walks.
I’ve got the Tracy Anderson Pregnancy Project rotting in my workout drawer, but I’m still superstitious about doing anything pregnancy related. Like if I let my guard down and indulge myself I’ll somehow let evil forces have their way with me. Am I being ridiculous or just protecting my heart?
Finally, let’s revisit my friends bacon and cheese, mmmmmmmmm. Twice baked potatoes sound amazing right now. With huge dollops of sour cream.
When I was TTC and pregnant, I had the same fears about parenting. I did have some kid experience, but still….it’s nothing like being responsible for a little person all day every day. But you know what? You learn as you go. You and Merp will figure out what parenting style works for you and you’ll raise your little one to be just the person that s/he is meant to be. So glad things continue to go well!
I guess that’s all I can hope for – that I LEARN to be a good parent. If I get there of course. 😉
Oh, I love this! If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t run in nearly a month (stopped the week of transfer). I’m so tired today, that even my attempt at exercise was mainly a flop. I feel like a wimp, but since exhaustion is one of my only symptoms, I’ll take it. I one of those crazy women hoping for a bit of nausea …but just a bit 🙂
LOL. Take it easy on yourself. I haven’t quite embraced this pregnancy yet. I’m telling myself I’m waiting for a heartbeat, but I’m not sure when I’m going to truly just be thrilled and “feel” pregnant. I think our hearts will heal in time…perhaps as our bellies expand 🙂
You leave the sweetest most heartfelt comments! And it does make me feel better that I have a couch potato buddy in pregnancy land. Makes me feel less guilty!
I’m around kids pretty much all day every day, and I still freak out sometimes. Like, Holy crap, what if my kid turns out like THAT kid?! But kids don’t come out of the womb walking and talking. You’ve got a long way to go before you hit the tantrum phase, and I’m sure you’ll have it all figured out by then!
You’re right Daryl – there’s a looooong way to go! Just get me through the first trimester! It sure was a reality check though.
I think it’s normal to be a bit scared. Having kids is a massive responsibility! You always ask parents what it’s like, and they say “It’s both hard and wonderful”. That answer used to always annoy me, but I’m sure it’s probably true! It seems like your life is transformed, and there are new good things and bad things. I think the good parts overwhelm the bad in most instances, though. And maybe when it’s your own precious little spawn, that will make all the tantrums and stuff a little easier to deal with. 🙂
I so know what you mean, though. Whenever my nephews come to visit, I am reminded of how much work they are! Some of the little things they cry about are almost funny. They always have fun little moments to make up for the brattiness, though, like your nephew.
And I am definitely on your page about just wishing for a healthy child.
We will get through it together, my friend, if all goes well for both of us, knock on wood!
So. Much. Work. I’m excited for it (if it comes), I just hope I can do a good job! Ahhhh!