Since I tend to be long-winded (probably why I already have over 100,000 words lurking around in novel land with no end in site), hope to actually do some fiction writing today (for real), but have a lot to say (shocker), I’m going to attempt to practice the art of brevity. An attempt is not a promise,however, because I have nuchal scans to discuss, friends to introduce, study plans, and therapy to talk about. Oh and I ate some broccoli for lunch which is HUGE news for my vegetable deprived body of the last two months (no, I don’t count pizza sauce as a vegetable. Remember that? haha). Mmmmm broccoli in yellow curry sauce… Mmmm Thai food…. Mmmm food in general, I think I’m starting to like you again!

Anyway, let’s get to it, shall we? Hopefully my friends z bullets can help me be concise.

• 12 weeks today! I’ve led many milestone celebratory conversations with the horribly morbid phrase, “If he’s still in there, I’m X weeks today….” or “If it works out, we’re going to name a him X or a her Y.” Intellectually, I know that my “magical thinking” about cursing/jinxing myself by being too positive is entirely ridiculous and really will have no outcome on the livelihood of this child. Realistically, however, I continue to do it under the illusion that I can protect myself from pain if, despite the odds, this tortuous, but blessing filled last 3 months doesn’t blossom into a huge belly and then a healthy bambino. If anything bad happens to my baby, from mc to developmental delays, it’s going to hurt no matter how I try to “prepare” for it. My newest thing was reading/obsessing about the chances of Autism and how fertility drugs (which I injected myself with before the IUI that led to this baby) may increase the risk for Autism. Upper respiratory infections, age, weird anti-bodies, exposure to pollutants, and parental psychiatric diseases (aka genetic predisposition) have also been linked to the big A. Well I’m 32 (not exactly a spring chicken), I live blocks from one of the most highly trafficked freeways in the world, The Noxious 405, I have a runny nose at this moment, and I’m feeling more neurotic by the second. It’s amazing I haven’t had a mental breakdown by now the way I fret. But I shall fret no more! I know I’ve said it before, but seriously. I’ll always be a research junkie, it’s just me, but I’m going to lay off the doom and gloom for at least 5-minutes to enjoy that I am ALMOST to the second trimester. C’mon baby we can do it! One more week-ish! Apparently trimester two starts at the end of 13 weeks. Let’s get there.
• Nuchal scan. Today I was supposed to have my specialist appointment, but I cancelled it because I got it last week! My new ob’s office has a perinatologist, who during my ultrasound insisted we just do it then and there. Baby’s nuchal fold was something like 0.64 and she kept gushing about what a gorgeous baby I will be having. Nonetheless, I convinced my doctor to run the Materni21 test because of my Triploidy miscarriage. Apparently they’re very strict about only performing it on women with certain risk factors or over the age of 35. I guess my mc gives me a “history of aneuploidy” so I qualified. I anxiously await the results… yet another thing to worry about. Gulp.
• Nausea. I threw up Friday night. And Saturday night. It was then I decided to stop taking half a Unisom at bedtime. It just wasn’t working anymore and made me feel guilty anyway. Today I’ve felt much better so far, though my morning sickness has primarily been night sickness so we’ll see how the evening unfolds. But today I DID eat some veggies! Woohoo! I’ve had the gaggles even just looking at vegetation like foods until now so there’s hope for this reigning carb queen. Perhaps a little psychosomatic brainwashing has gone on here by the hands of those who say you get better at 12-weeks? But whatever, I’ll take it.
• Bar exam. I have decided to take the California Bar Exam in February. I will be 7 months pregnant. I will have been studying throughout the tail end of my second trimester. I know this sounds nutso, but I’m doing it. Passing it though is another thing entirely…
• Therapy. If you read regularly, you’ll remember vague mentions of me being a child abuse survivor. Yeah. It’s a sick story that involves a trusted parent and an innocent little girl. It, the abuse, shaped my entire childhood and continues to haunt me. And anger me. And scare me in adulthood, even though I sued in civil court and won (Lifetime movie of the week for another time). I know I’d never ever hurt a child, but I fear what I’d do if someone ever hurt mine. That’s one of the many multifaceted sides of me that I’ll be discussing with my new therapist once per week!
• Introducing MyLifeAsACaseStudy blog! Over the past year I’ve had the pleasure of getting closer to a friend from college to the point where we talk almost daily. She was in the friend circle before, invited to my wedding etc., but it was our shared goal of making a baby that really brought us together. She also has a no-bs approach to friendship that’s quite refreshing when considering my recent drama-filled forays in the friend zone. She has a unique voice and a unique medical profile and I love her. You will too, I promise.

And now for a bump pic…. I see a bump, do you?

12 weeks pregnant.

Related posts:

16 weeks, Announcement, & Toxic Love A Wild 9-Weeks 11-wacky weeks 35 weeks, Change & Challenges 5 weeks/5 Chapters & My pre-baby To-Do list