The last 10 days have been difficult. It seems Daphne is going through something. Whether it’s her immune system responding to the vaccinations or her little brain taking in more of the world around her, she has been considerably more sensitive. So much so that I actually took her to the doctor last week. I had set her in her swing for 5-minutes while I hopped in and out of the shower, then when I picked her up she began the pain cry, that scary alarming one that clearly indicates that your child is hurting. Said pain cry lasted a good 30 minutes (bless you parents of colicky babies, bless you!). Daphne was literally inconsolable which is unusual for her. Because she had already been crying more every day since her vaccinations I decided “screw it” I don’t pay good money for health insurance for nothing. Of course she was a smiling happy baby when we got to the doc. OF COURSE. So with the exception of identifying some rashiness on her arms and giving us the “ok” to put hydro-cortisone on her face, the doc was useless, she could offer no explanation for the overall increase in crying or the episode that brought us there. Sigh.
And there’s more, isn’t there always?
After the vaccinations a few things happened. I ate a Chiptole Burrito Bowl. With sour cream and cheese. And it was really really good. You see, I’ve been avoiding dairy as it is a common allergen in babies and I have a history with it, old news if you regularly read my blog. Well, the next morning Daphne’s acne returned with a vengeance, which also happened to be the day after her vacs. Any progress we had made was gone. Her entire face was covered in tiny red dots. My Mustela no longer seemed to be working. Was it the dairy? The vaccinations? My hormones? I had and have about had it with baby acne at this point!
So I decided to try something without my doctor’s approval – cortisone cream at bed time. The next day? A 75% decrease in acne and redness. Like night and day. I still use the Mustela to clean her face after nursing and that prevents new patches from cropping up, but adding this to our regime has really really helped (the two together are a dynamic duo). My doctor advised to use it for no more than a week (it can thin the skin) and made some observation about how maybe D’s acne is part “irritation.” If hydrocortisone was all it takes for regular acne wouldn’t the companies that make Clear-a-sil and Accutane be out of business? According to Wikipedia, cortisones are “used to relieve the symptoms of eczema and atopic dermatitis.” Which are essentially allergic reactions. Notice that baby acne isn’t mentioned? Clearly something else is going on here. In writing this, I’ve decided to make two appointments (thank you PPO health insurance), the dermatologist and the allergy doctor. We’ll see when I finally get around to doing this, but it better be soon as I start work in 30 days. I feel like I’m in a race against time to fit in everything and anything before my free time ends and work begins. I’ve got babies to raise and books to write, doctors to visit and closets to clean out. Ready? Set. Go!
In the early weeks, we offered Daphne a pacifier, but she refused. Leave it to my Mom to not take no for an answer. During her last visit down she continuously offered the bink to my baby until she finally latched on with a vengeance. This came in handy for our road trip, but I was determined to use the pacifier sparingly. Although I’m fully aware of the sucking reflex and its calming effect, I can’t help but feel like it’s cheating. I literally feel like I’m living the phrase “put a sock in it” every time I offer the binkie to my distressed child. The phrase “shut your pie hole” also comes to mind. (A pie adorned binkie would be kind of cute in a sick twisted way actually). Especially this last week, when getting D down for naps and bedtime seemed an impossible feat. Nap time would take a good 30-minutes of crying, and bed time at least 2 hours! Until, of course, I swaddled her up, rocked her, and popped a pacifier in her mouth. Worked every single time. It’s not quite as effective these last few days as it was, but as I write this she’s sound asleep in her bassinet, the binkie having plopped out beside her. She sucked on the thing for a few seconds and was out like the little light she is. Thank God she doesn’t wake up when she loses it, but that’s a very real fear in this household. Couple that with feeling like I’m partially a failure for not being able to console her by tit alone, the darn pacifier has already sprouted a crop of emotional issues (for me at least!). Speaking of which, Dr. Karp recommends breaking the binkie habit by 5-months old for that very reason. Should be a rip roaring good time when 5-months rolls around.
And then I read this. A study that links pacifier use to autism in boys. Daphne is clearly not a boy, and the study did not find the same effect in girls, but still. Maybe my gut is right that the bink shouldn’t be used too often. Here’s an excerpt from the article:
“Infancy is considered a “critical period” for many human skills and capacities, including emotional and interpersonal development. That means that if we don’t have the right exposure or the right experiences when we’re little, we may never have them at all. And if infants have pacifiers in their mouths all the time, they are unable to mimic faces and have social interactions that rely on facial expressions — both believed to be essential building blocks of social and emotional development.
Interestingly, the effect was only found in boys, and the researchers will have to conduct further studies to determine why. One theory is that girls’ parents better compensate for the pacifier by engaging with their kids more emotionally than they do with boys, though it is also possible that girls are inherently better able to cope, the researchers argue.”
My money is on the girls better being able to cope thing (guys just have it rough emotionally these days). And I can’t imagine myself “engaging” more or less emotionally with a girl over a boy or vice versa.
Then there’s Daphne’s “issues” with eating and my fear that she’s not eating enough. We’re down to an average of 7-minutes on ONE side per feeding. I typically offer her the other side too just in case, but because of my over-supply issues I sometimes avoid this tactic because when she gets too much fore milk green poo results (or is it an allergy! Ahh!). I am so that freak who blames every adverse emotional and physical reaction on something I do or consume. Was it the coffee? The soy additives in my “oil & vinegar dressing”? The phylalates (sp?) in my shampoo?
But only 7-minutes guys! And I can see ribs! My doctor wasn’t concerned about Daphne’s weight gain, but I am. Especially since it seems her appetite has tanked since her vaccinations last week and hasn’t quite recovered. I don’t think the binkie helps either. So of course I’m now offering boob twice during each awake period. Just in case. I get about 3-minutes of good suckling, until I have a milky faced baby cooing, smiling, and looking for her friend the ceiling fan.
Miss Independent Part 2
Now Daphne is awake. She has been laying in her bassinet chewing on her fingers and making little noises for approximately 5-minutes. When will she asked to be picked up? She typically sort of does by fussing after about 10-15 minutes or so in her crib after naps, but we always get her before she escalates to a full out cry. Sounds great, right? Independent baby who doesn’t demand mommy come running any minute she’s left to her own devices. But somehow I’m a tad bothered by this. Are we too attentive to her needs so that we’re stunting her emotional growth and ability to communicate? Does she even like us? Is it normal that she’s so content just hanging in her crib alone, looking around at the world? I’ve actually had to remove the colorful tapestry hanging by her crib because it keeps her from falling asleep before naps.
Honestly, if she weren’t so smiley, and didn’t make such amazing eye contact and coo back when spoken too I’d be far more concerned. As it stands now, I’m a 7 on the worry scale of 1 to 10. But let’s be real here. I want her to want me. I think that’s the real issue. I think I almost need her as much as she needs me. I also think I have a case of wanting what I don’t have. It wouldn’t be so bad to have a baby that doesn’t want to be put down. Would it? As long as Daphne’s facing me, the fan, or something interesting to look at, she’s pretty fine not being in my arms :/.
Adventures in Baby wearing
To date, I have six baby carriers.
The worthless seven sling (complete garbage).
Baby shower gift, the Ergo and insert – entirely too hot for Southern California in Spring , Summer, and probably even Fall.
Gift from my brother, the Onya, an organic version of the Ergo made in Santa Cruz, California – lovely, but also waaay too hot.
Another baby shower gift, The Baby K’Tan – made out of t-shirt material and pretty freaking amazing as it’s lightweight and easy to pop in the diaper bag, but I’m pretty sure my size small is too small (still holding on to about 12 lbs of extra weight).
A recent Babies-r-us purchase because it was only $21, The Infantino Breeze – not the best quality, not ergonomic according to Baby Center’s Babywearing group, and Daphne HATES it.
And last, but definitely not least, The Lillebaby airflow purchased yesterday with a 20% off coupon from Buy Buy Baby – a mesh Ergoesque carrier, I’m actually wearing this one now with Daphne asleep on my chest. It’s light and it might be love. This will be joining us on our pending trip to Hawaii (more on that later, as if this isn’t already long enough!).
I was convinced that Daphne hates carriers, something that came to pass at around 4-weeks old when she began to voice her preference for how she’d like to be held (she may not be overly expressive about being picked up immediately after naps, but she makes very clear how she likes to be handled). Unless she’s being rocked to sleep, she seems to hate being held against anyone’s chest. Daphne wants to see you or the entire room. So most of the time I hold her with one hand, facing out, in a seated position. At almost 3-months old her neck control isn’t perfect yet so obviously the out facing position via carrier is a no no (and not recommended by the babywearing elite anyway).
Long story longer, I am determined to baby wear. So I’m going to have to let her fuss a bit until she gets used to it. This time it took approximately 2-minutes of fussing and the binkie and she’s been out since (I have gone through one nap cycle, a diaper blow out, a feed, and now a nap since writing the second half of this post). I just removed the bink and she’s still out, for a record 67 minutes.
Now to get her excited about being worn she’s awake…
With work fast approaching, I convinced Merp that we needed a trip to my favorite place in the whole wide world. We leave next week for 5-days. How will we fare on the 5-hour transpacific flight? I am terrified of flying and get a tummy pit just thinking about it. I also remember, back in my single days, praying to God that the young couple awkwardly lugging disgruntled baby and bulky gear down the cramped airplane aisle didn’t sit anywhere near me. Now I’m 1/2 of the same type of couple. I so hope I don’t have THAT baby come July 5.
Any tips for flying with infants? For getting my baby to love baby wearing as much as I do? For getting Daphne to adequately drain each breast (such a weird question)? Any one else out there with an independent bambino?
As of today we’re on week 11, and I can honestly say this whole mommy thing gets harder (and more beautiful) every single day.
Awwww… Look at that smile! I’ve got no advice obviously but don’t worry so much. It will all work itself out. Enjoy your trip.
First, I want to say that Tru was that happy independent baby who loved him some good alone time for the first several months… gone are those days! And Tru never wanted to nurse more than 5 minutes. One side per feeding. 3-7 has always been his average. In the hospital, the nurses kept freaking out about it. But that’s all he needed! Its totally ok. If you have an oversupply ( I did) they really can get it done that fast. 🙂
Awesome! Thank you so much for sharing. I honestly feel better already. It is so hard know what’s normal when you’ve never done this before!
I know what you mean. I have my daily freakouts. lol.
What a beauty that Daphne is! I have no advice on flying, but totally jealous that you’re going to Oahu. Have you heard of the book The Wonder Weeks? I think she could be just emerging from the second “leap” if you buy into that theory. It has been pretty accurate for Bayliss so far! There’s an app if you want to check it out. And not that you need another carrier, but I have three and finally found one that I love–the Sakura Bloom ring sling. It’s pricy, but breathable and easy to use once you get used to it. Okay, that’s all! You’re doing great, mama 🙂
Daphne is adorable and always so fashionably dressed! ????
I’m a huge worrier too, so I totally get this. Is it possible the acne is actually heat rash or something? Baby girl broke out all over her neck and back today after we were out in the heat, and some on her face too.
She’s also the same way about being in the carrier. She fusses until I get moving, and then she’s either alert and checking out the action or soundly asleep. That mesh carrier is genius, and I may have to check into one for myself!
Oh, and we use a pacifier for sleep all the time. She’ll fall asleep on my boob but always wakes up as soon as I move. I don’t think you’re doing any harm by using it to get D to sleep.
Have a fabulous time in Hawaii! Daphne appears to be a happy, well-adjusted baby, so hopefully she’ll be that way on the plane. But if not, who cares? As my husband keeps reminding me, she’s just being a baby!
Thank you for reassuring me about the paci. I just finished comfort nursing her for as long as she wanted and then did what you do… gave her the paci when it was time to finally put her down. Who knew I would be so freakes out about her using something other than me to soothe herself! And that is soooo good to hear that your lovely little girl also fusses at first. I found myself obsessively googling and found one person who said it’s not good for them to be upright until 4 months old and had myself convinced that she was crying this evening because I wore her for too long. Oy vey! The neurosis continues. But your hubby is right, it’s more likely that she’s just being a baby! 🙂
She is beautiful…just like her mommy! And you should be so proud of yourself for the research you’ve been doing on pacifiers and such. You’re such a dedicated mom. 🙂
Okay…can I just say that I feel that I could just about copy and paste your post for Abby’s next update? Truly we share just about every issue. My two main exceptions are that Abby did have colic for about five weeks and she hates to be left alone. Other than that…hated pacifier until this past week when she decided it was her new best friend, still hates every type of carrier that I have tried with a passion that is almost ridiculous to behold, and is also down to only nursing one side per feeding for about 5-7 minutes. Scary isn’t it?!?! Anyway, I’m trying to practice what I have now dubbed “laid back parenting” and not freak out all of the time. Hard to do for my a-type personality. Still I would love to find a carrier she likes and…is this a problem for you…figure out a way to incorporate tummy time without screaming. She still considers it torture and I feel like a bad mother because I usually manage to “conveniently forget” to put her on her belly during the day. Sorry I don’t have answers for you (since we are having the same issue), but at least I sympathize!
hahaha! I literally just commented on your post before I read this! So weird that they suddenly like pacifiers??? I’m wondering if it has something to do with the 12-week developmental leap? Like they’re becoming even more aware and so the paci helps’em cope.
Ah no, could it be belated colic? My 6 week old has been suffering badly for 2 weeks.. today has been the first good day in ages.. That cry is horrible though so I really feel for you and hope she feels better soon!!
She’s so cute!! I was going to mention wonder weeks too, but it sounds like you have read it. That may explain the crying.
As far as the pacifier, you can always counter the paranoia with studies showing that sucking on a pacifier can help reduce the possibility of SIDS. Harper actually will stick her tongue out when she’s just about finished her bottle. I offer her the bottle again, which she almost pushes away and continues to stick her tongue out. We offer the pacifier and she is context. It’s amazing how smart babies are.
The one part that made me laugh is when you ask if daphne even likes you guys. I too have had the same thought. Sometime I wonder if Harper loves us and knows we are her parents. I guess at 5 weeks it’s too early to really tell 😉 we know she recognizes our voices and faces, but I’m just waiting for the deliberate social smile!
love the pics!
I also have oversupply and my arond 3 months my daughter was often nursing for as little as 3 minutes! I checked it out with a baby scale and saw she was getting a full feeding in those 3 minutes, so it was fine. My fast flow and her ability to suck and swallow had come together to a very efficient nurser.
We do the wrapping all the time. In the early days sometimes it would take 10 minutes or so for her to calm down, but as other things took that long too I just pushed through it, usually taking her out for a walk. It didn’t take long for her to love it and by around 3 months she was starting to smile when she saw the wrap come out. Now she gets excited whenever she sees me start with one. She loves it! But she’s always been more of a held baby, so her personality may be a bit different.
We took a flight with her around 2.5 months, and I was super worried. But it turned out to be great! She was still sleeping so much. Also because she did love the carrier, I just put her in the moby and she was happy. She woke on takeoff and landing to nurse and then went back to sleep. On the way back, we were rushed and I ended up getting on the plane without her in the wrap. That flight was more tough, but we had a seat in the back and the noise of the plane is so loud back there that I really don’t think we bothered any of our neighbors.
I read the kindle book “Flying with Baby” and it really made me feel more prepared for the trip. It’s cheap too, like $3. I’d recommend it!
Unfortunately our trip was for a much sadder situation, so enjoy the fact that yours is for a happy time! Have a great trip!
I haven’t been on in a while, I hope that you are currently having a total blast in Hawaii and that the grumpy-baby days are now in the past as she soaks up the sun and beautiful vistas!
My money is on the milk as an issue over any of the other worries, though I’ve read that dairy allergies are less common in breastfed babies, and that most with the allergy outgrow it by 3-5 years… not that that little tidbit helps your current situation, but still. I think an appointment with the allergist is an awesome idea, if it is the milk you’ll know and can start a plan of attack, and if it’s not you’ll know that you can still enjoy cheesy goodness!
Max hasn’t eaten off both boobs since he was a week old, and he’s a super quick eater, too. that first week, our nursing sessions averaged 17 minutes total, then in April dropped to 7 minutes on one side, and at 3.5 months we’re now averaging 5 minutes at a go. I was really worried about it, until I weighed him and realized that at 15 weeks he’s already more than doubled his birth weight to a chunky 14 lbs 2 oz. Daphne doesn’t look to skinny to me, the girl’s got cheeks! My bet is that she’s just a super efficient eater!
Omg too much to comment on! But let me just say, that 1) the baby acne (or not-acne) is, as you say, probably something else and probably allergy or a dermatitis thing. My pediatrician friend has a baby with rashy cheeks and she treats it by putting vaseline (or any petroleum jelly) on her cheeks each night before bed. Even better if you can apply it right after the bath, so her skin still has some moisture within it. Really worked, and there’s nothing too sketchy about petroleum jelly — it just acts as a barrier to lock in moisture. Also, 2) I can SO empathize with the fear of flying; not to get you more freaked out than necessary, but my panic went into overdrive when we flew to Miami with our babe at 5 months. Any turbulence whatsoever and I was in tears. Max was actually OK and nobody gave us stink-eye, but it’s pretty intense having your baby on your lap for the ENTIRE flight. Ugh. Anyway, my advice would be to self-medicate and try your best to be zen and know that even if Daphne starts crying, nobody will hate you for it, they’ll probably just feel sorry for the new parents! And also, once you finally get there, it’s gonna be AMAZING! Totally worth it. 🙂