I survived my first week back to full time work in over a year.
And Daphne made it through her first bedtime without Mama.
Believe me, there were bad moments. Like when I had to get up at 5 am for field work, after a horrible night of the 4-month sleep regression. Or when I felt waves of longing for my child, churning around so violently inside me that I felt physically sick. Even just a few hours away from her was/is difficult.
But there were good moments too. Like when I was beaming with pride that Merp was able to handle bed time without me, sending me pictures of he and Daphne snuggled up on the couch. Or the thrill I felt when I managed to get a hold of some juicy info while doing field work.
Then, there is the realization that I’m off my game. My new job is serious. It requires the ability to think quickly, react appropriately, and write it all down without error. A year of dabbling in blogs and fiction and broken text messages has certainly wrecked havoc on my professional writing ability. I see why people say that the longer you’re away from work, the more difficult it is to return. You get rusty. You lose your edge. I’m a week into sharpening mine. And that includes putting two spaces after periods indefinitely. And remembering that the comma is your friend and semi colons make everything better. I’m learning a new language: the dialect of the private investigator. It’s intimidating, but I’m determined. There is so much to know. I so love a challenge.
My least favorite thing about returning to work: pumping. What a messy pain in the boob! And with field work, it’s hard to find the time to drain the suckers. BUT I can say I do like being able to see how much my skinny child is eating via the bottle. She’s a light eater this one. Max, she’s taken down eight ounces, one time. Most feedings she eats two to three. And yet her poos are still explosive. I have big plans to discuss my daughter’s bowel movements with her doc this coming Wednesday when she has her four month check-up.
Four. Months. Old.
I can hardly believe it.
And yet, it seems like I’ve known her forever and only for a day, all at the same time. I’m getting to know this baby as an individual, a unique snowflake of a girl, while learning about myself as a mother. It’s truly fascinating.
I’m so glad you like your new job! And that both you and Daphne are handling the transition well. Pumping is a pain, but you’re right–the only thing I liked about it was knowing exactly how much baby girl was eating. She has explosive poops too. I remember reading that after a few weeks, breastfed babies could go 3-4 days between poops. Yeah, right. More like 3-4 giant poops a day. But there seems to be a wide range of normal when it comes to babies. We just have to figure out what our particular normal is.
It’s true what they say about parenthood – I delight in discussing baby poo! Thank for sharing that. Me thinks our girls just have fast metabolisms right now. Or something like that. 🙂 For us, the bigger the poo the more normal, I guess. She’s been blowing’em out since she was born.
Well done on surviving the return to work! It must be so hard to leave her, but it sounds like you are doing great. I’m glad you’re enjoying your new job too. I can’t believe she is 4 months already! You need to post a new pic for us to coo over soon 🙂 xxx
Hi BB! Thanks for your sweet comment, you rock star you!
Mwaz xx keep going mama, you’re doing a great job x
Love you! I’m in survival mode right along with you…and yes, pumping, is definitely a pain in the boob! Now I understand again how easy it would be in some ways to wean early as pumping is not my favorite. Still, I do love nursing!